Thread: Gun Control
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Old 08-19-2019
ChiefIllini1 ChiefIllini1 is offline
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 1,496
BROTHERS AND SISTERS, I rise to speak to you tonight on a very important topic: You. I fear for you. I fear for your soul. I fear for your mind. I fear for your loved ones, neighbors, community and country. I fear that you don’t own your guns, your guns own you.

Although there is this fear in my heart, my flock, there is also love, a great beautiful love, because we have made much progress in these few short days.

I feel there is somebody out there in the audience; his name begins with an “A” or a “C” or it could begin with a "D" or an "E" or perhaps with an “H,” “J,” “M,” “S,” “T” or “W,” and that man is about to put his guns onto our collection plate. Your sacred offering will be repaid to you a thousand-fold, Brother! Salvation through the Church of NO GUNS ALLOWED awaits.

For the rest of you, please send one dollar to Happy Dude, 345 Evergreen Terrace, Springfield 55555. Your destiny demands it!

It has been foretold. Now, onto our Sermon, which is called …


There is a Ying; there is a Yang. They occupy your soul. The Ying is your empathy. The Yang is your selfishness. Or, it could be the other way around. I don’t know for sure which is which. The fact that there are two opposing forces gripping you at this minute, though, cannot be contested.

Our duty as humans, as a society, as a civilization, is to fan the flames of empathy while stomping out the last embers of selfishness. How do you recognize selfishness? I have prepared a spectrum for your illumination, Brothers and Sisters:

1. You are supporting an industry that has as its business the manufacture of death.

2. Suicide. You can expect more than 20,000 each year with guns. Studies show that states that have strict gun safety laws have much fewer suicides. Studies show that households with a gun are 4x more likely to have a suicide than gun-less households.

3. Your family could use the companionship of a dog. You can take shots to get over pet allergies. Now, there is also a vaccine. On the other hand, there is no shot or vaccine that will cure a bullet to the brain or heart.

4. Historically, there have been spikes in gun sales after mass shootings. Why is that? I posit that one reason is because of selfishness. Gun owners fear that legislatures will finally wake up and do something about lax gun laws. So, gun owners feel they need to act quickly to get theirs.

5. Driving while texting versus owning a gun. There's a big difference between the two: When you do the former, you aren't supporting the whole "Driving While Texting" culture.

Friends, my reasons will continue in the next post …
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