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  • Meanwhile...

    Meanwhile in sports ...

    ... Like a brother and sister from Kentucky inappropriately touching each other, past ILLINI opponent Indiana wrestled future ILLINI opponent Purdue on Monday night.

    Monday night?

    That's what I said, Harold, Monday night.

    It just seems like a strange time to wrestle a dual.

    They're from Indiana, Harold. Folks, here are the results from that incestuous matchup:

    Purdue 23, Indiana 9

    125: Liam Cronin (IU) dec. #5 Devin Schroder (PUR) 3-1 (IU 6, PUR 20)
    133: Cayden Rooks (IU) dec. Travis Ford-Melton (PUR) 4-1 (IU 9, PUR 20)
    141: Parker Filius (PUR) dec. Eddie Bolivar (IU) 7-4 (IU 9, PUR 23)
    149: Graham Rooks (IU) dec. #6 Griffin Parriott (PUR) 9-3
    157: #8 Kendall Coleman (PUR) SV1 Fernando Silva (IU) 8-6
    165: Tanner Webster (PUR) dec. Dillon Hoey (IU) 6-4
    174: #4 Dylan Lydy (PUR) SV1 #25 Jacob Covaciu (IU) 3-1
    184: Max Lyon (PUR) maj. dec. Jake Hinz (IU) 12-4
    197: #2 Christian Brunner (PUR) maj. dec. Nick Willham (IU) 10-1
    285: Thomas Penola (PUR) dec. Jake Kleimola (IU) 6-1
    And that's all from your Champaign Accu-Sports Team. Remember to be kind to each other today. And tomorrow. And have yourself a great day, C-U.

  • #2
    Surprised to see some of those results. Purdue will be tough next month but hopefully the Illini will be healthy and ready for the matchup.


    • #3
      Originally posted by jay31 View Post
      Surprised to see some of those results. Purdue will be tough next month but hopefully the Illini will be healthy and ready for the matchup.
      Cardani has three wins against Cronin, and I think Cronin is a pretty good wrestler. He certainly showed it in this match.

      Meanwhile, in professional wrestling news ...

      The Undertaker storms onto the mat as Rick Flair throws Randy "Macho Man" Savage on his head! This was actually a high school match in North Carolina, in which a father took polite umbrage with his son's opponent, who dropped his son on his head. Or, as they say in Norf Carolina: "Noggin'" or "Thinkin' box."


      • #4
        Meanwhile, in news of International Incidents ...

        ... It appears that some anonymous person, possibly me, is live-blogging the Yariguin wrestling tournament in Russia with cryptic cries for food, vodka, medicine for his donkey and the deposition of Russian President Vladimir Putin. We have a live shot of the chat here:

        The comment translates as follows: "I am hungry and my donkey is sick. I would like some potatoes and vodka. Will you fight with me against Putin?" Thus far, the Russians have not taken any counter-measures.

        This is a link to one of the three youtube channels carrying the tournament. It would be a shame if more people joined in. A crying shame.

        We will bring you more as the story develops...


        • #5

          Meanwhile ...

          In news of rumormongering, gossip and opinion ...

          What if I told you that I believe that the next four-time NCAA D1 Wrestling champ could be ...

          ... IMAR?


          • #6

            In news of coaching misbehaviors, the coach for the Iowa Hawkeyes wrestling squad and one-half of the comedy duo, "The Brandos," was docked a team point for loss of mat control last Saturday. Iowa wrestling coach Tom Brands stepped out onto the mat while his student-athletes were playing against Ohio State.

            The game was stopped and Iowa was deducted one team point for loss of mat control.

            The NCAA Rules Subcommittee for Wrestling has provided the following new proposed rule for public comment:


            • #7

              ... in news of national wrestling sites, this:


              • #8

                ... in news about cheating and the wonderful advancements made in that discipline, let's talk about the hammerlock, pictured below:

                The image above shows a perfectly legal hammerlock. But what if you were the wrestler in the purple singlet and you wanted to cheat? Why, what you'd do, of course, is to move your own arm beyond 90° so that the ref calls it potentially dangerous.

                You get bonus points if you call the ref's attention to it with an "ouch" or a "Hey, that's an illegal hold!"

                If the other wrestler complains and says, "He moved his own arm there," then all you have to do is say, "Yeah, right. Cool story bro. I want to injure myself," or you could start crying. Then the ref will feel sorry for you and might give you a hug.

                A Master Class in Cheating

                If your trusted reporter was a conspiracy theorist, I would say that there was cheating going on at the ILLINI/OSU dual. When it became apparent that an ILLINOIS wrestler was going to get a takedown--but before he actually got control--the ref awarded the takedown and gave the ILLINI two points.

                The Ohio State coach immediately challenged, the ref reviewed it and reversed his decision.

                I'm not going to ascribe to evil intent that which was most likely negligence, but it got me to thinking. If you were an evil coach and were in league with an evil referee, what better way to drain the energy and momentum from a wrestler than to do this? [insert Dr. Evil laugh]


                • #9


                  In where are they now news:

                  Where is Archie from Riverdale? Well, he grew up to be an angry old man and is coaching the Iowa State Cyclone wrestling team. Betty and Veronica still hang out with him at Riverdale; I’m sorry to say we lost Jughead last year to a drunk thresher accident.

                  We were surprised to see Archie trying to sound like a bad*** while wearing his Riverdale varsity sweater and holding his pink phone. But, there you go:

                  [NOTE: Your Accu-Sports team heard about the Dresser presser, and didn't think much of it. However, when we saw what the coach was wearing, well, something had to be said about that. We went to the Cyclone site to make sure Dresser wasn't wearing that outfit for some good reason such as "Cancer Awareness" or something like that. He wasn't. It was a personal choice. I think that that outfit, if anything, probably promotes Cancer, you don't know.]


                  • #10


                    ... in news of wrestling honors:

                    It is time for us to salute the real wrestlers. The guys who walk onto the mat knowing that they will not get their hands raised. They're the ones who step off the mat after a grueling forty-second match and immediately face questions like, "Did that hurt?" And, "That looked pretty painful, are you sure you're okay?" These are the men who fuel the wrestling world with wins and pins and tech falls.

                    Let us honor men like Dyllan Gorrin of Presbyterian, who has an 0-4 record that includes three pins and a tech fall. He has yet to taste the sweet, sweet nectar of a second period, and still he persists. Then, there's his teammate Khalid Brinkley, who is 0-11, having given up seven pins and a tech fall.

                    Oh, my sweet goodness, how I wish I was there at the "Battle at the Citadel" when #243 Khalid Brinkley faced off against his bitter rival #242 Nathan Orosco of the Citadel and lost a nail-biting 4-5 match. These young men should be our heroes. Not because they are winners, but because they chose not to be!


                    • #11


                      ... in actual wrestling news, the latest Coaches' Rankings and the first RPI have been issued. These will be used for allocation, wild card and seeding purposes. Here are your FIGHTING ILLINI:


                      Justin Cardani #21
                      Travis Piotrowski #6
                      Dylan Duncan #13
                      Danny Braunagel #13
                      Joseph Gunther #19
                      Zach* Braunagel #12
                      Luke Luffman #30

                      Ratings Percentage Index (RPI)

                      Justin Cardani #9
                      Travis Piotrowski #6
                      Dylan Duncan #11
                      Danny Braunagel #15
                      Joseph Gunther #12
                      Zach* Braunagel #9
                      Matt Wroblewski #30
                      Luke Luffman #30


                      A couple of notes: Zac is spelled Zac. I don't know how you get "Zach" out of Zac. Didn't we go through this every year with "Emory" Parker? C'mon, NCAA, put down the pipe and make sure you spell their names right. It's your job.

                      The Great Indestructible Pio is at #6 in both the ranking and the RPI. He has beaten #7 (Sammy Alvarez, Rutgers) and #8 (Noah Gonser, Campbell) this year, and he lost to #5 Mickey Phillipi in sudden victory.

                      Cardani's sweet #9 RPI indicates that his record is no fluke. He has wrestled a tough schedule. He's under-valued as well in the Ranking at #21. The ILLINI has beaten two of the guys ranked ahead of him (so far).

                      Both Brawnys have a shot to AA this year. 184 is nuts, and 165, after the first six is not impossible. Depends on the bracket and the matchups.
                      Last edited by ChiefIllini1; 02-14-2020, 01:10 AM.


                      • #12


                        ... in human interest news, a couple of stories that will warm your heart. There have been a few of these reports jangling around the internet, and I hope they go viral. Wrestling can always use good publicity.

                        Let me tell you about Wyatt Speck, who won the City of Minneapolis JV Championship seven days ago. He started shaky in the finals but then dominated late for an 11-3 victory to win the Championship.

                        The final period of the championship match was close, and then Speck pulled away. He was the only wrestler on the team to win his weight class.

                        “I’ve never seen a kid get hoisted so high in the air in a high school gym in my life,” [his coach] said.

                        “He got off the mat and I looked over at his team and his whole team had tears in their eyes and smiles bigger than life,” [his mother] said. “And they just all embraced him. They picked him up in the air.”

                        Of course, mom eventually got a hug, too.

                        “It was awesome,” Wyatt said.

                        Meanwhile, Michael Gaccetta a wrestler on the Horizon High School Hawks’ JV team in Thornton, Colorado, recorded a pin against Holy Family’s Jackson Fuller on January 15. Since that also happened to be Michael's 15th birthday, his mom prepared a batch of fudge in advance to hand out to his teammates and family, win or lose.

                        He did not fail. He pinned his opponent, who was a senior.

                        Photo attributions: Top Minnesota CBS; Bottom Denver Post


                        • #13


                          In news of international freestyle wrestling, the Supreme Leader of North Korea has weighed in on the latest controversy at 74 kilograms. This is from the DPRK News Service.


                          • #14


                            ... in film news, Harold and Kumar, those lovable goofs, have a new joint out:

                            A scene from the new joint:

                            The lesson: Don't.


                            • #15


                              ... in wrestling news, seventy-four very special athletes competed last Saturday at the Dresser Open in Ames, Iowa. Most of them were the walking wounded variety who had their names on the brackets, but they couldn't walk out onto the mat. For example,

                              Iowa State’s Marcus Coleman “wrestled” for five seconds on Saturday — and won four matches. Or at least that’s what the bracket says.
                              A bunch of his teammates and Johnny Sebastian forfeited to him. Why not have wrestlers at ILLINOIS go into the B1G Tournament with 500-0 records? We now know how to do that! Why not 10,000-0 records?

                              On the other hand, at 60 pounds, there were some brawls at The Dresser Open: